Originally published in Faith & Fitness Magazine, June/July 2005:

Reprinted with permission from Faith & Fitness Magazine

Don't sweat it when others lose their cool
part 1 of a 2 part series

By Erik Akutagawa
Head Instructor, Victory Karate;
Performance Coach, Competitive Spirit

In this article:

Don't Sweat It When Others Lose Their Cool, Part 1

What is really going on here?

• The dark side

• God's purpose

• Our personal history with anger

What can you do about it?

About the writer

"I was fighting for my life out there." Sadly, Rick Carlisle, the Indiana Pacers coach, was not talking about the war in Iraq, or his house being on fire, but was sharing honestly and literally about his escape from... a basketball game. But this was not just any basketball game. It was a game that had plenty of fists flying -- as well as plenty of cups, bottles, ice, popcorn, and even a chair. And the fighting was not just amongst the players on the floor, but found Indiana Pacers Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson charging up into the stands to fight with the fans. Yes, the basketball game between the Indiana Pacers and the Detroit Pistons that night was far different than any game we had seen in history.

In the months to follow, we then saw fights breaking out amongst spectators at high school basketball games all over the country. From Ohio to Alabama to California, during both girls and boys games, arguments between parents exploded into complete melees. One of these incidents actually required the use of tazers by police to restore order. What is going on here?

Maybe you feel these situations are too far removed from you emotionally for you to care or sympathize with. But how about road rage? Ever get upset or angry when you're driving along, minding your own business, and someone just cuts right in front of you? And then he has the gall to slam on his brakes and glare at you through his rear view mirror... How about online flame wars? Ever get caught up in an argument over email or on a forum or while chatting? Sometimes the written word can be sharper than the sword.

Oh, but you can leave that all behind once you get to the gym, right? Or can you? Ever see the guy who grunts and screams while lifting his weights, then curses angrily as he crashes the weights onto the ground or back onto the rack? Ever ask that guy if you can work in with him? A friend once watched a situation when someone else did just that, simply ask the guy if he could work in on the bench. After being told no, an argument ensued, which then escalated into a full-on fight right in the middle of the gym, and ended with one of the guys being knocked unconscious...

While you may think it's just a matter of controlling emotions and not getting upset, there is a much deeper conflict occurring within us. There is a dark side within all of us that constantly battles against God's goodness; at the same time, we also cannot ignore what was modelled to us in our upbringing. Once you understand all of these undercurrents in your life, you can then begin to realize what is really going on and how to respond. And it is your response to your emotion that either leads to victory or defeat -- and that choice in how to respond is completely up to you.

The dark side

We all have a dark side within us, and whether you believe in it or not, there is also a malignant spirit who is always working to manifest that darkness in your life. He is a deceiver, a liar, a stealer, and a destroyer. He relishes each and every opportunity to hold you in bondage to your own human ways, to deter you from the freedom and power you have in God's will. So he savors the moments when he can provoke your aggravation, to indulge in the anger and frustration that bubble up in your soul. All he wants is to drag you away from God and His goodness. If you have a seed of anger within you, then he will use that to his full advantage.

God's Word is very clear when it comes to dealing with anger and the evil one's temptations: Do not sin in your anger, and do not give the devil a foothold.

So while just getting angry is not a sin (Jesus himself was moved to anger when driving out the crooked money changers from his father's temple), what you do with that anger is what is important. If you have the seed of anger planted in your soul, be very cautious.

Everytime you are moved to anger, that dark spirit looks for a fingerhold. Once he has a fingerhold, it can become a handhold. Once he he has a handhold, then he can get a foothold. Once he can get his foot in the door, then he can really wreak havoc in your life.

The evil one is sly. He knows your weaknesses and just how to push your buttons. He also knows how to twist and manipulate the truth for his own gain and your own demise. He is patient and sly, and slowly but surely creeps into parts of your life that are vulnerable to his trespassing.

The Bible tells us to "get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." These are what the evil spirit feeds on.

Do you feel powerful and mighty when you're angry? Think others respect you more when you raise your voice? Think again. That is just another deception from the evil one. As a performance coach for competitive athletes, I've worked with athletes to overcome this, and it can be a challenge, especially when it comes to aggressive sports like football or soccer or boxing. I know, because I've been there myself. You may FEEL faster, stronger, more aggressive, more respected when you are showing the world your rage, but in reality, you are slower, weaker, less focused, and less respected than if you were motivated by love.

God's purpose

God's purpose is clear: to make us like Christ. Much like a muscle, our spiritual growth must be stimulated through challenges, fed with nutrients, and given proper rest. The Bible equates this trial process to the refining of silver and gold, where intense heat causes the impurities to rise up to the surface where they can be taken out, leaving only the purest of precious metal behind.

Each time you are faced with a situation that causes our emotions to react in anger, it is an opportunity to be refined. It is an opportunity for you to make a decision: You can choose to trust in your own limited strength, or you can choose to respond with self control, trust in the spirit, and be gradually purified. You can hold onto your anger and let it control you, or you can control your anger and choose a proper response.

In the article "Is there CHI in CHRIST?" from the August/September 2004 issue of Faith & Fitness Magazine, we discussed "Chi and energy flow and YOU", and how it is a conscientious, mental choice in how you respond to your emotions, and how that decision ultimately manifests in your physical body, for better or for worse. Don't be conformed to the status quo of this diminishing world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

God's word says to be joyful whenever you face trials, because it tests your faith, and that testing develops perseverance. Faith develops perseverence; perseverence develops maturity; maturity develops wisdom.

God wants to bless you abundantly, but you must choose whether to put your trust in your own human abilities, or put your trust in the spirit. God wants to reward those who choose wisely and are purified. A man who perseveres through trials is blessed because when he has withstood the test, he receives even greater rewards. These rewards are priceless, things that money could never buy.

Our personal history with anger

Our upbringing taught us much about how to deal with anger. Directly and indirectly, through our parents, teachers, coaches, pastors, even television and movie characters, our attitude is shaped. If you had a parent who had difficulty managing anger, chances are, you either perpetuate that same characteristic (Generational sin, as first explained in Exodus 20:5), or you manifest it in other ways (i.e. depression, bitterness, fear of commitment, etc.).

My own father had his own difficulty dealing with anger. Every negative emotion, whether frustration, lack of control, sadness, was channeled through anger. He was never abusive, but I do remember him being angry more often than any other emotional state.

As his son, who respected his father, I then grew up thinking that showing anger was something to be revered. And in a childish, adolescent way, it worked for me. On the soccer field as a little kid, I learned that the other children feared my very presence when I got angry, which made getting to the ball that much easier. In school, all I had to do was show just a little rage, and even the biggest bullies stayed clear of my path.

The problem was, even my own teammates were afraid of me. I guess they didn't appreciate me yelling at them all the time. Even at soccer practice, they would congregate together, but not with me. Not exactly a good atmosphere to cultivate teamwork. So while our team always had a good record, we never reached the championship, even the times when we may have been the best team on paper.

And while I never saw the bottom of a garbage can, I never had any deep, meaningful friendships in my childhood. I was quick to anger, quick to criticize. It was always competitive, and it was always about hierarchy, which certainly never lent itself to any well established relationships.

This was my path, the legacy given to me that I would then pass on to my marriage and my children - unless I did something about it.

Now that we understand all of these conflicting intentions within us and how they affect us, we can begin to formulate constructive ways to respond. In Part 2 of this series on anger, we will:

• Discuss the difference between reacting and responding to anger, and the difference between anger and being aggressive;




• Uncover what you can do when you are angry and how to focus that energy in a positive way;




• Discover the reasons why a foundation in love is superior to that of anger, especially when it comes to your physical performance;




• Discuss some specific real-life examples on dealing with anger - in competition, on the street or on the road, and at home or at work;




• Reveal the true life benefits you will experience when you learn to control and focus your anger rather than have it control you.

Part 2 will definitely be the better, more positive part of this series. It will offer you plenty of tips on how your response to anger can better your physical performance. Don't miss it!